Mom

Mom

Dedicated to my Mother


Jenny

I’d like you all to think of me
Like roses in a bunch
And remember what fun we had
Playing bridge and eating lunch

We lived in heroic times
And gave the world our best
I proudly wear my wings of gold
As I go to rest

There too were trials of many kinds
But we bore them well
And in the end they were no worse
Than a windy Catalina swell

Happy years and great times
With you merry band
And best of all seventy-one years
Holding Ernie’s hand

It’s been the best of lives I’ve lived
But now I’m joyously free
To send you all, All My Love
For Eternity


I gave my mother these poems in a book a few years ago, I don't think she knew I'd ever written a poem, but it seemed like she ought to know.

She recently passed away, the photo and poem above were offered as a memory for her friends.

Two hours after she passed, after the paramedics and police were gone, around 11:30 am, I was standing in the living room gazing aimlessly out the window for about a minute when an owl swooped down between the house and the tree on the front lawn. He landed in the driveway and stayed paying his respects for about 5 minutes, in spite of people honking horns, talking, gawking at him and walking close by. Finally he left as our neighbor moved in for a close up photo. I wanted to show the photo of the owl. I've never seen or heard an owl around here before. There is hardly any undeveloped land anywhere nearby. Later in the afternoon a very light shower started, the drops were fat and falling about 3 feet apart, it was more like tears than rain. It virtually never rains in July in Corona Del Mar, California, the average for the month is 2/100 of an inch. So the drops seemed like quite a personal message from nature.

In India owls are associated with death usually as harbingers. The owl stood just where my mother's body was loaded into the mortuary van 2 hours later. The owl is also the conveyance of Lakshmi. Of all the aspects of Mother Divine, Mom seems most like Lakshmi, perhaps the owl carried her to heaven. Or perhaps the owl was just a messenger to me, a mathematician. What is the probability that an owl would fly thru the 5 foot space between the roof and the tree in front of the living room window during the 1 minute time I was gazing out of it. Or that it would land and sit for minutes while the neighbor took photos, kids honked their horn in the street and shouted to each other about the owl, and a lady walked by 17 feet away walking her dog. All of this at 11:30 am on a sunny day. Slim. The probability of the rain drops which I only noticed as I walked thru the family room and saw ripples in the pool. I thought it was an earthquake, but it was just big sad drops of rain. I asked my Father, "who was this person, that nature honors so?"

I received emails from friends living in the midwest over the next few days that I'll share. Mom died on Sunday.

Monday

"I did a Puja last night and before I did it, when I was walking home from the hospital, I had an idea to do it for your Mom.

When I got home I was so tired from a rough day at the hospital that I sat down in front of the TV and watched a movie for a little while. Then I got up and started to slowly assemble the ingredients - the fruit and flowers and handkerchief. etc, - for the puja but slowly as if I intended to do it tomorrow morning. I was pretty dull and tired and discouraged.

Then all of a sudden my mind just sort of lighted up - really filled up - with energy and light. I had the feeling, the concrete and distinct feeling, your Mom knew I was doing a puja for her. It was as if she were there. I can't explain it. It was a very sudden and powerful feeling. It was so utterly unexpected. I completely changed - just spontaneously. I was no longer tired but very alert and eager and energetic and I quickly got ready for puja and did it. It seemed to be powerful, very powerful - sattwic - very enlivening during the puja and afterwards when I was done. "

The next day she added: "The puja story is - well -extraordinary. It was so vivid. Your Mom. I was very startled. It wasn't a feeling, it wasn't a presence. It was like infinite correlation but it was very definitely your Mom. I was very startled. And I quickly rushed to do the puja - a very nice puja with beautiful red carnations - that she seemed to know I intended for her."

On Tuesday another person wrote me:

"I wanted to relate an experience I had early this morning in the dome to you. I hope this is ok.

When I went to the dome this morning, before I started to meditate I offered a prayer for your family, especially for your Dad, that his grief may give way to the peace of your Mother's love for him and his for her. And that the bliss she is experiencing begin to flow to him, as he sees her in all their familiar surroundings.

At that moment, I was transported to a very high heaven, of indescribable pristine beauty. It was an exquisite rarified environment. The vibrational quality of this realm was radiant, soft, silent, pure, peaceful bliss. Here your Mother resides, flowing in the bliss and love of God. Centered in peace, as the highly refined conscious being that she is.

Her beautiful soul is at home in God. I know you all have to be missing such a wondrous soul, but find peace in knowing she resides in such an equally wondrous and beautiful place of bliss eternal.

I hope this helps in some small way. I always question, whether or not I am given these experiences to share, but I trust that you will understand. I feel humbly honored that I was allowed this glimpse to share with you."


And again on Thursday:

" I had a few experiences today, one of which I will relate to you, as you previously stated that they were a help to you.

I saw an angel with your Mom. The words angel of mercy came to mind. Don't know why, or who the angel of mercy is. The angelic being was enveloped in an exquisite unusual looking pure white garb. As I was allowed closer inspection, she was wearing billions of white flowers.

Golden radiant light streamed from your Mom. I assume she was in her light body, as I suspect that is the body you enter into the heavenly realms in.

Your Mom was serene, joyous, bliss flowing.

It was her time to go and she sends all of you all her love. She especially is with your Dad, as she loves him so.

As Mike so eloquently said it," Grandma was just about love". And in love she lives now, just not here, but with God.

Now she is imersed and flowing in the ocean of pure bliss and love, sending it to all of you, especially her one true love."

While all of the above is beautiful and profound, I wanted to comment on the phrase "It was her time to go". My son, Mike, felt her presence at the viewing on Thursday evening, but Friday morning at the funeral, he said, "She was gone". I presume that means to a more rarefied region, beyond the reach of the embodied.

It has taken me a year and a half to post this, it seems too personal, delicate, and beautiful to share, but then it is also profound and inspiring, beyond any poem. Please enjoy my Mother's blessing.




Jenny's Owl

Jenny's Owl

Friday, July 20, 2007

Ramakrishna*




Mother is the measure of Brahman 1
A Cartesian net to catch us fish 2
Her karma serves up our life
Apparently a tasty dish. 3

Her net is fine and strong
She leaves us no escape
But if you surrender completely
Drop your ego and accept fate,

Your mind is free immediately
And though your body bumps along 4
Your heart begins to merge with Mother
And you understand her song.

Soon you are refined
Finer than any net can be
Your soul permeates everywhere 5
Your spirit ever free,

Your light a part of every atom 6
There to give a gentle shove
Because thanks to your surrender
You’ve become only love.


Now some take another approach
They say the net’s not real
That everything is Brahman
And Brahman does not kill. 7

They hold their mind in check
Pull every sense inside
And realizing this great truth
They don’t even try to hide

For Brahman is unqualified
So there can be no net
They fly freely through life
Enjoying bliss without regret.

Sat, pure existence
Chit, aware of itself
Ananda, shimmering in Bliss
Why yes, this is myself. 8


1 The Sanskrit root Maa means mother and also measure. Pure consciousness does not move, but innate within is an energy of consciousness, Mother Divine, which moves and creates. But before there can be movement there must be some form of dimension whether time or space so that movement, and duality, the separation of objects and events can exist. No object can exist without a place to put it. So the first creation of Maa is dimension or measure. We typically think in Cartesian coordinates.

2 Ramakrishna told a parable about liberation using the metaphor of fishermen netting fish. Some fish swim to the bottom and hide in the mud, others swim about unaware, others try to leap out but fall back in the circle of the net, a few succeed in leaping over the net and swim to freedom. Clearly, the Cartesian net of Mother is both the form for the creation of the universe, but also the prison in which we suffer duality.

3 Another parable is about a mother with 5 children. She has fish for dinner, but prepares it differently for each child, soup for one, fried fish for another, baked for a third etc. Mother Divine is the wish fulfilling tree, she will give you whatever you ask for. In this case I'm playing on the story and suggesting that it is her play, her game, and that she is creating our lives and it is she that enjoys the taste.

4 Even surrendered, or liberated, the body's existing karma may continue, but you are free of concern for it, thus free of suffering.

5 This is a concept that I got from Larry Shine, a teacher I met when I was 23. While liberation might be viewed as moving from a multi-dimensional universe to a zero dimension that is just Brahman, it can also be viewed as expansion of consciousness. And thus your consciousness flows through all space and time. A corollary is that for your consciousness to expand, it must be non-irritating to other consciousnesses that it passes through on its way to total refinement. Hence the need for Ahimsa (harmlessness) in thought, word, and deed.

6 Also Larry said, at a certain point of development, "your light becomes a part of every atom".
He said at this point a developed man would not break a dry piece of grass without putting something better in its place. Clearly, such a person would always be giving gentle loving encouragement to all of creation.

7 Brahman does not kill. There is no birth or death in Brahman, there is no separation, the basis of all fear, so the point is there is no fear and no mortality. A nice quote from the Katha Upanishad 1.2.19 "if the killer thinks he kills and if the killed man thinks he is killed, neither of these apprehends aright. The Self kills not, nor is it killed."

8  "Jnana Marga (knowledge path) and Bhakti Marga (devotion path) are one and the same.  Self-surrender leads to realisation just as enquiry does.  Complete self-surrender means that you have no further thought of 'I'.  Then all your predispositions (samskaras) are washed off and you are free.  You should not continue as a separate entity at the end of either course."  Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi - talk 31
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